Dear Mom and Dad:

Entry via Letter

Dear Mon and Dad:

I don’t want to start the letter with things I need you to send me, but I’ve decided that it would ultimately be amusing to explain why I need all the things I’m asking you to send me. I know you’re excited for that list so here goes….

1. Container of vanilla flavoring – candy and gum.

2. Peelers

3. Kitchen knives (2 pairing, 1 “chicken slicer”.

4. Butter and maple flavoring

5. Earphones – not the $0.99 duds – I need ones that will last.

6. Nail manicure / toe clippers.

7. Clearasil bar soap (3) with plastic container.

8. DVD’s – Jason knows what I watch. Get him to assemble 20 of my favorites.

Now, let’s move into the reasoning for this package, shall we? Some are more amusing than others but they are all necessary.

Container of Vanilla – Spices, flavorings, and (god forbid) chocolate RARELY occur here, it is necessary for my mental health that I receive vanilla (mental health? Seriously believe it – according to the PC rules I can get a paid vacation to Reno with those 2 magic words) so that I can cook Banana bread and cookies – sending it would only benefit you in the long run, as I’ll be able to cook more when you arrive to visit.

Peelers – There are three vegetables that make up the Tanzanian lunch, supper and snack groups, these are tomatoes, potatoes, and onions. Now, in order to eat tomatoes one does not simply slice in to “bun” slices, one peels said tomato with (what I’m assuming at one point once was) a knife, then mashes it into sauce for: cabbage, tompe, wali, ugali, potatoes, and various meat dishes. When not mashed the tomato can be sliced for salad (though no-one told my mama that tomatoes are consumed in this fashion). Now I know what you are thinking – what does the have to do with a peeler; you said you have a sharp object. Every time I pick up a knife and a Tomato, whether or not I actually want to peel it, a little piece of my mama dies. This is probably due to the fact that I take half of the usable tomato off with the peel, I take a little over 20 minutes to peel one tomato the size of a tennis ball, and I always resort to creative “mzungu 4-letter words” when I drop the tomato (on our dirt floor) or knick myself with the knife. Thus, if you send peelers, you will be helping thousand of tomatoes fullfill their destiny of being consumed by me or the other poor souls who eat my cooking.


Kitchen knives (3)

Paring knives are used for every meal, whether they have a handle, are sharp, or at one point doubled as a spear. I like my hands, cutting off a finger because I had to use my machete to butcher a chicken would be a shame.

Butter & Maple Flavoring – See note on vanilla…... sprinkle in more mental health words…

Earphones – It never occurred to me (while I was packing 8 pairs of shoes, extra everything, or buying hard-core cases for my electronic appliances) that Africa is a hot, dusty, and humid country. When the earphones I have die (don’t even get me started on the I Pod) I will have to actually listen to the rats in my room fighting in my dresser over whom gets to urinate on my computer next, when this occurs one of two things will happen. I’ll man up and attach the rats with a flashlight (and probably lose a limb) or I’ll sing to myself – in which case I’ll never fall asleep (and the rats won’t either).

Nail Manicure kit & Toe Clippers – This is a good one! So – I stopped biting my nails- good thing right? WRONG! Apparently you people who don’t bite your nails actually have the damn things still growing and to slow this process you clip them…crazy concept, but here’s the best part. Those long nails can now house the eggs of worms which-once ready can climb from my comfortable nail beds in to my food, then snuggle into my small intestine, unit painfully exiting via my rectum at a later date (if indeed they decide to leave at all). The best one was a girl in my CBT, who popped a zit with her long nails until it bled, then continued to scratch it. She had ringworm on her chin the next day, and I had short nails as of the minute I saw that ringworm. I cut them off with my sewing scissors. Please send the real thing.

Clearasil Bars of Soap – Lets be honest, no one likes acne least of all me, but I just don’t want to wash my face with soap that barely comes off my skin to begin with, it’s yucky and pink – I don’t’ want to look like Kirby all day. The malaria medication I’m taking doubles as acne medication (a small perk when you include the other lovely side effects, including yeast infections) so this is keeping my face polka-dot free, but I need something more, the Massai will offer less cows in a marriage proposal for mzungus with acne. I’m guessing no more than 3; attractive mzungus with no acne could pull down at least 5 cows for a marriage proposal. Moral of the story – no acne for me = more Massai cows for you…think about it.

Candy and Gum – Once again this is a metal health issue. Candy and Gum…gum doesn’t exist here, and candy is expensive and hard to find, so I’d really like to curb my sweet-tooth…which is slowly shrinking in to a salt tooth, as I am unable to find sweet things to suckle here in Africa.

I hope this has been educational letter in some respects, at least you know what I can’t live without and why. We’re still learning a ridiculous amount of Kiswahili; we had three tests this week, are reviewing our health knowledge, are reviewing our written Kiswahili and are reviewing our spoken Kiswahili, which we take tomorrow. I actually don’t mind speaking Kiswahili, don’t get me wrong, I don’t speak it incredibly well, but I’m getting to the point now where I can have conversations with my mama and siblings. My mama is incredibly excited that you are coming to visit me, she says she wants you to visit in Chanzuru and meet her and the family, I think it would be a great experience if time allowed, seeing how a Tanzanian family operates is really a special occurrence. Tourists definitely don’t get that side of Tanzania. Well I hope that you have a wonderful week. I’ll be sure to write soon-don’t hold your breath for a e-mail, it probably wont happen for 2 more weeks!

Lots of Love, Mirinda

Top 5

The top 5 things I enjoy about Africa (thus far).

5. Kongas

No matter how many times in a row I have to wear a skirt, I can always change it up with a new Konga (piece of cloth tied around the waist like a towel) whose colors I can switch every day. For extra flavor, I change the smells of my konga, from soapy fresh bath konga to smoky cooking konga. I like to keep the public on their toes.

4. Muzungu

A muzungu is the African term for white person or foreigner. True, not a particularly great term, but when you walk down the streets and everyone drops what they are doing to lovingly call to you, and the ever more popular follow and call at the same time, it's hard not to feel like Brittney Spears being chased by the paparazzi (I wonder what my village would think if I shaved my head).

3. Chakula

The food here supposedly makes boys skinny and girls fat, this is due to the amount of starch that makes up a large portion of the Tanzanian diet. To this, I can only say, Bring it on! My Tanzanian mom (also know as Wolfgang Puck) is an amazing cook, beans, bananas,potatoes, cabbage, she is a genius with a charcoal stove, and I have no issue gaining a flat tire around the middle to satisfy her intense need to serve my 3 helpings at every meal.

2. Mbu

Owing to my large wariness of the fun of contracting Hepatitis C I have decided to stop biting my finger nails. At first I was annoyed by these long worthless dead deposits of calcium on the tips of my fingers, but thankfully the Mbu (mosquito) have provided me a solution, and now I have hours of entertainment scratching the millions of bites that cover my feet, legs, and arms.

Thank you mbu.

And the #1 reason I enjoy Africa............

It is true that you can get some horrible sickness while in Africa, but if you are a PCV, you have the super-duper, medical protective drug bubble. I have enough shots to avoid Meningitis, Yellow Fever, Flu, Typhoid, and Malaria. Lets not forget that I need only two extra shots should I be bitten by a rabid version of Pumbaa (because I already have the other 3 rabies shots).

True, no one is immune from the runs, but if you really think about it, with all the starch we eat, having the runs is slightly better than the alternative (having a "food baby" in your belly).

These reasons my friends, are why you should all come visit me soon (or within 6 months, as sanctioned by PC).

Ta!